Lou returned to Pacific Center for a female TV/TS group following his disappointing preliminary visit only to again be disappointed by the lack of AFAB people in the room. At this point, Lou identified as a female transvestite, someone assigned female at birth who kept that label and dressed in men’s clothing. However, this meeting proved more fruitful as Lou discussed his internal battle as a transvestite with another member, although he still felt excluded from the space as a transvestite and not a transsexual. Having a space to speak other trans folks going through similar preoccupying difficulties builds a community that helps keep each other going. Given extreme amounts of legal, social, and scientific discrimination, trans people, trans women of color especially, are at high suicide and homicide risk, so a space like Pacific Center helps keep trans people alive.
At the end of this diary entry, it seems that Lou held back from embracing a transsexual identity due to his partner Jim who, as Lou writes in his journals, frequently made transphobic comments and shamed Lou for entering trans spaces. While Lou did not enjoy Pacific Center meetings as much, he did frequent the Center for Special Problems group meetings and receive counseling from a therapist there.
